I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
