I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
