Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
