i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
