i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
