; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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