Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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