My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
