I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
