So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
