In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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