We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
