I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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