He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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