'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
