Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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