i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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