i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
