Your face is a jimmy john
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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