just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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