Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
