walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
