Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
