Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
