Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
