I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
