why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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