Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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