I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
