I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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