it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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