Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
