Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
