I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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