I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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