Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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