im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
