and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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