He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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