How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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