I am in a vortex of obligation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
