Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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