can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
