So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A+ Viking dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
