RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
