he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
