I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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