so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
