so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
