you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
