I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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