if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
