so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is Oprah even human
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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