She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
