When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
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I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize