his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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