I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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