He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
