It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They have beer where we have blood.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
