His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
