you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
