Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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