Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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