My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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