I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
