I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
