I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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