the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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