Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
